sprinklefingers

Why in the world does something like Duncan Hines Frosting Creations exist?

I must be completely wrong, but I thought the country was finally picking up on the fact that putting huge amounts of gross junk in your body isn’t good for you? But, of course, giant corporations keep pushing the (complete) crap onto grocery store shelves and people keep buying it. And I can see it - busy mom wants to make a cake (or cupcakes) but is short on time so she buys a tub of Duncan Hines ‘starter’ frosting at the megamarket and grabs the packet of magical Frosting Creations dust and decides it can’t hurt - a powder that has the power to turn frosting blue and flavor it like cotton candy?  The kids will love it AND the shade of blue perfectly matches little Billy’s party color scheme! 

But hold on a second. I should be nicer. And more understanding. Maybe the reason so many tubs of frosting (and now packets of magical frosting dust) sell is because busy people don’t realize how easy it is to make homemade frosting. Frosting that can be whipped up with real ingredients and flavored with real flavorings. Not cotton candy, but vanilla. Or vanilla bean. And cinnamon. Lemon and lime. Orange. Chocolate. Coffee. Almond. Mint. Or a combination - chocolate and coffee. Orange and chocolate. Cinnamon and vanilla. It’s a complete cliché, but the possibilities truly are endless. Is it as easy as opening a tub of frosting and a packet of powder? Not quite. But it’s nearly as easy and definitely worth the extra effort. I mean, what ingredient makes frosting blue and flavors it like cotton candy anyway? Not something I want to put in my mouth, that’s for sure.

Here’s a quick and easy (just three steps!) recipe for simple buttercream - the kind you remember from your days of licking the beaters in your childhood kitchen. I’ll also include tips & tricks on flavoring the icing…just no cotton candy!

Vanilla Buttercream

 Ingredients:

• 227 g  softened unsalted butter 
• 1247 g sifted (lump free) powdered sugar
• 1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
• ¼ cup whole milk (approximately)

Make the buttercream: 

1. Using a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat butter until smooth.
2. Add the sifted powdered sugar and vanilla.
3. Begin to add milk, starting with half of the amount, and then continue adding it until the buttercream is smooth and the desired consistency is reached. You want it to be spreadable but not at all runny.

Using the Vanilla Buttercream:
Orange: Add 1 T of orange juice and the zest of 1 orange as you’re adding the milk. (You can also do the same with lime or lemon juice & zest.)
Vanilla bean: split and scrape one vanilla bean and add the seeds to the butter before creaming.
Maple: Add 4 T maple syrup IN PLACE of 4 T of milk. Spice it up with 1/2-1 t cinnamon if you’d like!
Chocolate: Add 5 T best quality cocoa powder plus 1/4 t kosher salt with the powdered sugar. You may need to increase the milk by a smidge. (For chocolately chip buttercream: Chop some chocolate until it’s in shards. Mix in the chocolate shards to your liking.)

Using the Mint Buttercream:
Choco-Mint: add 5 T best quality cocoa powder to powdered sugar. At the end add more plain milk if necessary - but just a touch!


Now, I seriously do not want to hear about you making bubblegum flavored frosting with the help of a magical powder…got it? Good.

back in 2005 when i first opened my bakery, i was really good at testing recipes and not gaining weight. i’d carefully bake something, have a single bite for taste - SPIT THAT BITE OUT - and that was that.

and now it’s 2011. and i’m developing recipes for the new bakery. and i’m eating multiple slices/pieces/spoonfuls and i haven’t spit a bite out yet. what is wrong with me? i literally have zero self-control. here’s an example:

yesterday i forgot to eat breakfast. when i got to work i had a small bowl of yogurt with honey-preserved hazelnuts on top (it’ll be on the breakfast menu at the new bakery.) after that, i baked off a few sheet trays of buttery sugar cookies…and then i ate 8 of them. the first cookie was when i realized i had finally arrived at THE recipe. the next 7 were because i couldn’t ignore the deliciousness of the salty, buttery, vanilla-y cookies. next up: chocolate custard. with felchlin chocolate. i ate at least a cup of it when it was still hot. then i sampled it after it cooled. and then - then - i baked off some tart shells, filled the tart shells with the chocolate custard, topped them with honey and toasted hazelnuts and ate three of them. in a row. while barely taking a breath.

it’s a good thing we had salad for dinner.

and now it’s saturday morning. and i check in on my man hugh fearnley-whittingstall. and his weekend column in the guardian features fried foods. fried foods like churros. i will not make them. i will not make them. i will not make them. i will not. not. not.

here’s hugh’s recipe - word for word. make these. eat them. then send me a note telling me all about it. please?

——————-

churros
hugh fearnley-whittingstall

Serves four

120g butter
A pinch of salt
130g plain flour, sifted
½ tsp baking powder
3 eggs, lightly beaten
Vegetable oil, for frying
4 tbsp caster sugar
¼ tsp ground cinnamon (optional)

To make the dough, put 250ml water, the butter and salt into a saucepan and bring to a rolling boil. Lower the heat and beat in the flour and baking powder. Stir vigorously until the batter pulls away from the sides of the pan and forms a ball – about a minute. Remove from heat, beat in the eggs until smooth, then leave the dough to rest for 10 minutes.

Prepare to fry the churros by heating 4cm oil in a deep pan to 160C/325F.

Spoon the mixture into a piping bag fitted with a large, star-shaped tip. Squeeze 8cm strips of dough into the hot oil. Fry four strips at a time until golden brown, turning once – about two minutes on each side – then drain on kitchen paper. Mix the sugar and the cinnamon, if using, and toss the churros in the mixture while still warm. Serve immediately.

first of all i should explain that this morning i ate three sticky buns. about thirty minutes after eating said sticky buns i went to the gym for a workout. at this workout i was tied to a partner with a stretchy band. while wearing said stretchy band around my waist i had to crawl like a bear, swing a kettlebell, jump like a trackstar and do this crazy pulling move with my arms.

the good news is that i managed to keep the sticky buns down. the bad news? i want more sticky buns.

possibly the strangest thing about all of this (aside from the fact that i ate three sticky buns in one sitting and then went to the gym) is that the sticky buns really made me want to eat apples. the gooey caramel of the sticky buns would be PERFECT with apples.

which leads me to this: i think EVERYTHING would taste good with an apple right now. EVERYTHING. i can’t really explain how it happened (aside from the fact that it’s apple season,) but i’m craaazy for them.

here’s a timeline of how my obsession has gotten to the point that even sticky buns make me want to eat apples:

• late, late august: as soon as beautiful and crunchy honeycrisp apples hit the market, i bought as many as i could fit in a cart. average number of apples eaten in one day: four.
• early september: i started making toffee sauce and i couldn’t stop dipping apples in it. average number of apples eaten in one day: five.
• early october: i bought a trunk-load of apples to turn into wedding favors. i also bought a bushel of apples separate from wedding apples to turn into applesauce. average number of apples eaten in one day: five.
• and now, today, i cannot seem to eat too many cortland apples. cannot get enough of them. cannot. sliced, caramelized and scooped into a bowl of baked oatmeal (or ice cream!) - they’re complete heaven. today i ate six apples (and three sticky buns.)

i feel it’s only fair to let you in on my obsession.

caramelized cortland apples

you need:

• 6 cortland apples, peeled and sliced into 6ths.
• 6 T salted butter
• 6 T vanilla sugar
• dash of cinnamon

to make the apples:

1. melt butter and sugar over medium high heat.
2. add apples and cinnamon and cook until golden and caramelized. watch that the caramel doesn’t start to burn, but make sure you get the butter/sugar to the point where it is actually caramelly.

these apples are delicious with baked oatmeal, ice cream, yogurt, toast, turkey sandwiches or simply on a spoon…they’re also delicious warmed a bit with a splash of milk poured over top.

i’m hoping that by tomorrow morning i will have recovered from my weekend. with the husband out of town and a business to run i don’t really have a choice…so hopefully my brain and sleepy body will cooperate.

the big deal of the weekend? a wedding. i know, i know - i told you all about it. but, it was a super sweet ordeal. sweet bride, sweet groom and an insane amount of dessert.

here’s a snap of ONE of the treat tables:

well, i did it.

i set out to create a preservable apple pie filling and i did it.

i would consider canned apple pie filling to be one of my craziest kitchen adventures yet. it was the kind of situation where every square inch of counter space was covered with either mixing bowls, dirty spoons, wet towels or

[we interrupt this message to say, ‘hey neighbor! whatever the hell you’re banging on with that hammer, would you mind cutting it out? i’m trying to write over here. YES. write here. right here.’]

back to the apple pie filling:

my kitchen was a pit. everything was dirty. and if it wasn’t dirty because i used it directly in the creation of the filling, it was dirty because i touched it with sticky, gooey hands.

on top of sticky and gooey, i had a water bath canner filled with boiling water - heating up the kitchen to what felt like summertime in a really hot place that isn’t portland, oregon because apparently we don’t have hot summers anymore.

furthermore, by the time i finally arrived upon a filling worth canning, it was after midnight. and i was t-i-r-e-d.

with water boiling and dishes stacked to the ceiling and the clock getting close to 1 am, this whole thing could have been a recipe for disaster -

instead it turned out to be a recipe for canned apple pie filling.

homemade apple pie filling
makes approximately 7 quarts

note: this recipe calls for an ingredient called clearjel. because i love you, i did all of the research possible on clearjel before tracking it down, experimenting with it and - finally - writing a recipe using it. clearjel is not cornstarch. it’s basically a modified starch made especially for canning fruits…it thickens, but it doesn’t get so thick so that bacteria can’t be killed in the canning process. you can read all about clearjel here.

you need:

• 9 lbs cooking apples (i recommend gravenstein), peeled, cored and cut into 6 slices each
• 5 cups apple cider
• 2 1/2 cups water
• 5 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 1/2 cups clearjel
• 1 T cinnamon (a stronger variety like saigon cinnamon works best)
• 2 vanilla beans, pods scraped
• zest of 1 orange
• 1 t freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/4 cup bottled lemon juice

make the filling:

1. working in batches, blanch sliced apples in boiling water for 30 seconds. take care to get the apples out of the boiling water quickly - you want to blanch them, not cook them.
2. combine sugar, cider, water, clearjel, cinnamon, scraped vanilla beans and pods, orange zest and nutmeg in a large nonreactive pot.
3. heat the sugar mixture over medium heat until it thickens and gets bubbly. you’ll want to stir often and watch the mixture carefully: there’s a lot of it and it could start to burn on the bottom without you even knowing it.
4. while you’re waiting for the mixture to get thick & bubbly, you’ll want to start water boiling in your water bath canner and get your sterilized jars ready. just remember to keep checking in on your sugar mixture!
5. once the sugar mixture has reached the thickened and bubbly stage, add the lemon juice and stir to incorporate.
6. after you’ve stirred in the lemon juice, boil for a full minute - remember to keep stirring!
7. after one minute, add the apples and mix well so that all of the apples are coated with the now sticky, thick filling. it may take a bit of effort given the viscosity of the stuff.
8. once the apples are incorporated, pack them as quickly as possible into your sterilized quart jars. leave about 1” of space at the top of the jar.
9. process in your water bath canner for 25 minutes. remember: don’t start your timer until after the water has come back to a full boil.
10. remove the jars from your canner and let sit for 24 hours.
11. check that your jars have sealed. those that have can go into the pantry. if you have any that didn’t, refrigerate until you’re ready to make a pie or crisp or crumble.
    
    ———————————————————————————-

now that you have this apple pie filling - what are you waiting for? make a pie!

• here’s a recipe for perfect pie dough (double the recipe if you’d like a double crust pie)
• not into double crust? give it a crumbly top with this crumbly top recipe
• bake at 375 for 45 or so minutes - keep an eye on the edges of your crust - until the juices bubble thickly and the topping is golden/brown.

you can also make a crumble!

• pour the filling into a baking dish (2 quart capacity works best)
• top with a batch of crumbly top
• for a double crust pie: bake at 400 for 45 minutes or so, covering edges with foil after 30 minutes if it needs it. the crust will be golden and the fruit will be thick & bubbly at the edges when it’s finished.
• for a crumb to pie: bake at 375 for 45 minutes or until the filling is bubbly and crumble is golden/brown.

people are nutty, aren’t they? sometimes i just don’t understand why folks do the things they do or say the things they say. but most of all, most of all, i don’t understand how people:

1. feel full.
2. detect that desserts are too rich.

i never feel full. pretty much no matter what i eat - or how much of it - i don’t feel truly full. and if i do feel full, i feel that way only for about 13 minutes and then am ready to start thinking about my next meal.

as for things being too rich - i actually think my inability to detect richness in desserts is what led me to a life of baking. so while most people can push a dessert plate away so dramatically while declaring, ‘oh, this is far too rich!’ i simply take the plate, open my mouth and scoop the remainders in. then i might burp and ask if anyone wants to go out for ice cream.

and speaking of ice cream, i came up with a dessert i think you should try. the recipe below is for 4 servings, but it’s totally simple to make more - scoop more ice cream, bake more cookies and heat up more sauce.

sticky toffee sauce sundaes
serves 4 

you need:

• best quality vanilla ice cream
• 4 oz sticky toffee sauce, warmed
• 4 toffee-pretzel-chocolate chip cookies, chopped into 1/2 inch pieces

to make the sundaes:

1. plop 2-3 scoops of vanilla ice cream into each bowl.
2. top the ice cream with the warm toffee sauce, divided equally among the 4 bowls.
3. next, scatter the cookie bits equally among all 4 bowls.
4. serve with soup spoons and a glass of water.

my favorite part of these sundaes: the ice cream gets melty and forms this delicious puddle of sweet gooey toffee goodness at the bottom of your bowl.

rich?
hell yes.
have another!

i had to start a food journal. you know, where you write down what you eat all day? kind of depressing, yes…but as soon as i turned 35 in july i noticed this incredibly depressing downward shift in my body…mainly in places of my body i’ll never admit here.

as soon as i noticed the shift i started asking around: hey, lady friends, did your body shift when you turned 35? i got a variety of answers. but nothing definitive.

so then i realized the sad truth: i eat too much.

i never, ever go on diets. so i figured i could write down what i eat all day and perhaps that simple act would hold me accountable and i wouldn’t rush to shove 39 handfuls of peanut butter m&m’s into my mouth upon returning home from working all day - AT A BAKERY.

right around the time i started my food journal, i thought i’d get to work on the creation of a toffee sauce. generally food journals and toffee sauce shouldn’t really be in the same sentence, but - like i said before - i don’t diet. i’m simply writing down what i eat. so what if one of my entries for yesterday was “several cups of toffee sauce”? at least i’m being honest and actually writing it down.

this toffee sauce is inspired by rachel allen. i kind of want to go spend the weekend with her. right after i spend the weekend at ina’s, that is.

the key to my toffee sauce is a magical substance called lyle’s golden syrup. i can eat the stuff right out of the jar (in fact, one entry from yesterday’s food journal reads, “one too many spoonfuls lyle’s.”) you can pick up your own jar of lyle’s at a well-stocked market.

golden toffee sauce
makes 2 1/2 cups

you need:

• 6 T unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
• 1 cup half & half
• 1 1/4 cup lyle’s golden syrup
• 1 vanilla bean, seeds scraped
• 6 oz light brown sugar
• 4 oz vanilla sugar
• splash of vanilla extract
• 2 pinches grey sea salt

to make the sauce:

1. combine butter and half & half in a nonreactive saucepan. heat over medium until milk is warmed up and butter is starting to melt.
2. add the lyle’s golden syrup and the vanilla bean pod & scrapings. stir well to coax the syrup to begin melting.
3. add both sugars, the vanilla extract and sea salt.
4. bring mixture to a boil and let boil for 6 minutes, taking care to stir the mixture every 30 seconds.
5. after exactly 6 minutes, remove from heat.
6. allow the sauce to cool a bit then transfer to a glass container for storage. i use a lidded canning jar.
7. once transferred to the storage container, stir the sauce every 10 minutes or so until it is completely cooled. once cooled, store your sauce in the fridge for up to one month.

this sauce is very good on a spoon. it takes vanilla ice cream to a whole new level. it’d be divine poured over a slice of apple pie. or, hell, as an apple dip.  when at fridge temperature it’s quite thick, but heat it up and it’s very thin - perfect for tossing on popcorn or stirring into hot chocolate.

i’m stopping with ideas now because it’s your turn. make the sauce. what will you do with it?